Everything Is Comprised of Energy
Everything is comprised of energy. We measure our body’s energy in beats per minute, our food in calories and our emotional energy comes from our mood – happy, sad, anxious, depressed or indifferent.
Our Thoughts Drive our Emotions
There are many things that can affect our energy, but the biggest influencer is us! Our thoughts, how we process and see the world. And one of the biggest shapers of our belief system is our family, how we were raised and what we were taught. And a lot of what we were learned was never written down or clearly articulated it was done through osmosis. We watched our parents’ responses to the world and we internalized them. They happened so subtlety and are reinforced over time that we never thought to question or challenge them.
Anxiety leads to Insomnia
Anxiety is one of the most common complaints I treat in clinic. It’s not that people come to me specifically for anxiety, rather it is an underlying issue often leading to insomnia usually caused by spiking cortisol levels between 3 – 4 am. If someone is waking up in the night, it’s usually at 4 am!
Children Absorb Their Parent’s Anxiety
Anxiety can be a by-product of trauma. It’s not uncommon for patients to not have experienced any trauma. They were raised in great homes with lots of love, safety and nurturing– in short-the essential components to a healthy childhood.
What’s interesting though is when I ask about their parent’s state – “Are your mom or dad anxious?” The answer always comes back yes. Often with a vigorous yes. And then I will go further, “What are your grandparents like – was your grandmother anxious?” Again the answer is often “Yes!”
The question I often grapple with is this – Can trauma be passed down genetically from one generation to the next or is it passed down behaviourally?
The one thing I do know to be true is this, we unconsciously internalize our parents’ responses to life. Their filter becomes our filter. And nowhere was this more event when I realized my most distressing responses were rooted in “Victimization.”
Victimization for me came in two forms – the first was my mother’s response to people and situations – she always felt trapped, and she always blamed other people for her situation. The second was growing up in violent home.
“Childhood trauma is a common predecessor to a victim mentality. When our needs are not met as vulnerable children, or we experience early trauma, we believe that we are unable to change or “set” the trajectory of our lives. Learned helplessness can superficially appear less painful than attempting to understand and regulate emotions, fear and disappointments. Trauma can cause us to believe that people will never understand them and trusting others will only lead to more suffering and disappointment.” (Excerpt from www.choosingtherapy.com)
Some of the consequences of having a victim personality can also lead to:
- Trust Issues – difficulty maintaining friendships and relationships
- Feeling Resentment
- Internalizing Situation making it all about Us – “how could they do that to me?”
- Feeling shame, guilt, or unworthiness
- Anxiety – will my needs be met, can I trust this person, will I be disappointed by them
The biggest challenge to victimization is not taking ownership or control of your life. The opposite of Victimization is Agency. Agency is the feeling of being in charge of your life: knowing where you stand, knowing you have a say in what happens to you, and knowing that you have the ability to shape your circumstances.
In order to have Agency we must first know what we are feeling in order to know why we are feeling that way. In order to do that we must be aware of our gut feeling – not our brain but our gut. We use our gut to accurately gauge what’s going on around us. From the gut comes our true feelings. If you can tap into your gut feelings to give you accurate information than you will start to feel in charge of your body, your feelings and your self -in short – Agency.
Victim is a learned helplessness. Agency is a learned way of owning your life.
As Einstein so famously quoted –Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Energy cannot be created or destroyed it can only change from one form to another – Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way.